Healing Relationships
Matthew 22:34-39 (NIV) Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
The first and greatest relationship is to love God with all our hearts, with all our soul and all our mind. It is the first and greatest relationship we can have, a relationship between us and our God without which all the other relationships cannot work, this is the most important because all horizontal relationships are dependent on it. The second is our relationship with our neighbors.
The reason a lot of chaos exists in the world today is because the first and primary relationship with God is wrong. COVID-19 exposed a lot of weaknesses and cracks in our relationships especially among families.
Some of the areas we need to pay attention to when addressing these relationship problems are;
Sin: Relationships break because of sin
In the beginning, our relationship with God was broken because of sin.
Genesis 3:3-6 NIV. But God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'” “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.
Because we lived in sin our relationship with God was broken but thanks be to God that who saved us and continues to reconcile us whenever we stray.
2Corinthians.5:17-18. (NIV) 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:
We are supposed to continue in this reconciliation process reconciling man to God and man to man.
When sin came in and because of our failed relationship with God, we became selfish and began to do things that hurt one another. this means we must deal with the sin and repent so that God heals our imperfection and our relationships with God and with one another will be healed.
Unmet expectations and broken contracts
We fall short of our expectations because we are imperfect, it is good to verbalize our expectations before God and fellow men because no one can read or understand what we are thinking. This helps us to manage the expectations of another person.
We also ought to appreciate that we are different from one another and the way we react to the same set of circumstances is different. If we don’t recognize these differences we become frustrated and we wound our relationships.
What we ought to remember;
Gods plan doesn’t change because our expectations are not met, He remains faithful and God. Sometimes even when things don’t go well, God is working in my favor.
The untamed tongue
James 3:3-6 (NIV) When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
A careless word spoken destroys a lifetime relationship
Be careful how you speak about one another and also be careful what you speak about one another.
Proverbs.18:19-21 (NIV)
A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.
20 From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.
21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
- Tame your tongue
- Do not be reckless with our tongue
- Let us listen more and speak less.
- Also do not speak what you do not know about
Philippians 4:8 (NIV) Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
We should not speak of the failures of one another as if it brings us joy.
- Sin
- Un met expectations
- Uncontrolled tongue
These are the causes of broken relationships and the only way is to deal with them,
Sin: Be reconciled with God and be reconciled with one another
Un met expectations: Trust in God knowing that man has failed but also speak out so that people can know what you expect.
The uncontrolled tongue: Manage your tongue.
The lack of forgiveness is another relationship breaker. It breeds pain and pain brings resentment
Proverbs 18:19 (NIV) A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.
Offence breaks relationships: what offence is too bad that you can not release a person. When we take offence we breed bitterness and then bitterness breeds resentment which fortifies our hearts. With a fortified heart we become blind to the good things in a relationship
When you focus on the offence it blinds us of all the good things we have enjoyed in the relationship over time. When we get offended we should learn to;
- Pray for the offender
- Talk to the offender
- Forgive the offender, most times they are the dearest of our friends or relative who will offend us, they are not our enemies.
Conflict also injures relationships because we will always fail, only God never fails. If it is not addressed, we often meditate on it, live on it daily and all those around us are sucked in. but if we deal with it we help to heal our relationships.
May God Heal our relationships.
